My eyes glance around
Among the mist of gold.
They seek to attain the truth behind
The beauty of the unknown.
My ears grasp onto the sweetness of
Birds chirping their tunes
And the city waking up,
All wrapped within the sight of the moon.
I gaze at its vibrant shades
As it beams brighter than I’ve ever known.
Worlds of charm dive into one scene
Oh, the beauty of the unknown.
As my head tilts upward,
A treasure surely is hidden.
It fills the luminous sky,
Stars twinkling at their own rhythm.
For the desire of an unrequited lover,
They hopelessly linger on
To the moment when love bursts into their souls
Though they understand too well that moment is far gone.
And so, once again,
They become invisible
In the eyes of their lovers.
A thought so unthinkable.
And still,
They beat faster and brighter
With the fire that started within them,
The unrequited love that now is only a whisper.
It echoes far and wide,
Yearning to be heard once more.
Among the mist of gold,
I hear its battle in this war.
So many unanswered questions
Now sway around in a cyclone.
We live as if this is the only way.
Oh, the beauty of the unknown.
I slowly inhale,
While the world around me shifts its colours.
My mind understands that I will never know
The ways in which each soul differs.
And yet somehow,
I fall deeply every time
I see an unanswered question
In these pages between the lines.
Maybe one day I’ll know the truth,
But for now, I hang on
To the voices that subtly whisper
The pain behind every forgotten song.
Among the mist of gold
Every voice plays its melody;
Fragile enough to shatter at any second
Yet powerful enough to soothe all the tormenting tides of the sea
As the sun slowly makes its way
Into this scene of uncertainty,
I watch as its rays dive into
Each lonely branch of every tree.
My heart is suddenly warmed to the core
As a smile begins to plant itself on my face.
My hands sway around
I feel the love in this whimsical embrace.
The truth, I find,
Is hard for the human mind to comprehend.
And so we live with the beauty of the unknown,
Among the mist of gold.
Dear Maira,
This is an incredible poem, not only is the rhyme scheme gracefully carried out throughout the entire poem, but you also capture beautiful scenes along with powerful emotions. As a person who also loves writing poems of this sort, I found this piece very impressive and inspirational.
I’m honestly having a very hard time giving you feedback on something you could improve on because I loved this poem so much. All I have to say is keep up the good work and I look forward to reading more of your work. Good job!
Sincerely,
Wajeeha
Dear Maira,
I really enjoyed reading your poem. Your usage of imagery was vivid, and you did a very good job at storytelling while maintaining a poetic format. The phrase “among the mist of gold” creates a mysterious aura that you effectively weave into the piece. My favorite line would have to be, “They seek to attain the truth behind the beauty of the unknown.” It creates a sense of wonder that we can reflect on personally. For me, I connected it to faith, and how most people wish for proof of religion, but it is a realm unknown to us.
For improvement, I feel that in the first two stanzas, you use the words “known” and “unknown” to a point where it becomes redundant. I would recommend you replace at least one of them with something related to the topic of discovery.
Regardless, it was truly a joy to read your piece, and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future!
Sincerely,
Nazeefa